I think I believed that my wife should respect me simply because I exchanged vows with her. There is only one reason I will ever stop leaving that glass by the sink, and it’s a lesson I learned much too late: because I love and respect my partner, and it really matters to them. It’s like asking me to make myself interested in crocheting or to enjoy yard work. I, personally, don’t care if a glass is sitting by the sink unless guests are visiting.You may be wondering, Hey, Matt! Why would you leave a glass by the sink instead of putting it in the dishwasher? Each time my wife entered the kitchen to discover the glass I’d left next to the sink, she moved incrementally closer to moving out and ending our marriage. It wasn’t a big deal to me when I was married. Sometimes I leave used drinking glasses by the kitchen sink, just inches away from the dishwasher. It doesn’t matter what the actual thing is.
Tracking mud through the house right after your partner cleaned up. It could be how yours ends too.Įvery couple has their own unique version of The Same Fight. I’m not trying to hurt her therefore, she shouldn’t feel hurt. Hundreds, maybe thousands, of times, my wife tried to communicate that something was wrong. But it wasn’t the dishes, not really-it was what they represented. It makes her seem ridiculous and makes me seem like a victim of unfair expectations.
The reason my marriage fell apart seems absurd when I describe it: My wife left me because sometimes I leave dishes by the sink.
It always seemed as if the punishment didn’t fit the crime-as if she were charging me with premeditated murder when my infraction was something closer to driving a little bit over the speed limit with a burned-out taillight that I didn’t even know was burned out. I believed she was wrong-either that she was fundamentally incorrect in her understanding of the situation or that she was treating me unfairly. This article was adapted from Matthew Fray’s new book, This Is How Your Marriage Ends.īecause I wasn’t committing Major Marriage Crimes, when my wife and I were on opposite sides of an issue, I would suggest that we agree to disagree.
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